Seriously?????

This blog is being created so family and friends can follow my pregnancy and read about my experiences! I haven't told my family yet, so there may be a few entries in this blog before anybody actually reads it!

It started off like this:

Friday night, I had been feeling bloated and campy for 2 weeks now. The last few days I've been extremely tired. I even took naps, and I NEVER take naps! I decided that if I Aunt Flo didn't visit that night, I would take a pregnancy test in the morning, because it never fails that the second I take one, she comes along within 24 hours. So Saturday morning, I clambered out of bed and sleepily trudged downstairs. I peed on the stick, and waited for the "not pregnant" sign to come up so I could go have my breakfast and get started with my day. It showed up alright, minus the NOT part.

Talk about a wake up call! I grabbed it and looked closer to make sure I wasn't seeing things, and read "pregnant" again. "Oh god". I jumped up and ran up the stairs to saying "ohgodohgodohgodohgodohgod" the whole way up to Drew, who was still asleep. He opened his eyes and looked at me, and I shoved the test in his face. His eyes opened a little wider and he said "oh my". I responded, "I guess that was a pretty big oops!". He chuckled. I cried.

"I'm not ready!" I cried out, and he reminded me that I had been talking about my ticking clock for months now. My response..."I was lying!" Okay, not really, but it seemed like the best response at the time. I think shock was the biggest word. We had discussed beginning to try come July, so while this was definitely unplanned, and earlier than expected, I can't say it's unwelcomed.

We went downstairs, in silence, both taking in what had just happened. I cried again, realizing that I am 18lbs shy of my goal weight, and now I wasn't going to get there. "I wanted to be skinny first" I sobbed. Drew said "you are skinny!". Well, compared to before, I guess I am, but I still feel like I failed at my goal. Obviously somebody up above thinks I'm healthy enough to carry this gift, or else it wouldn't have happened, right!? Drew kept looking at me funny. I asked him why he kept looking at me that way and he said, "I'm excited!"

I had to go to the store to pick up a few things, so I went, and picked up another 2 pack of tests while I was at it. I went to the gym bathroom, and took another one. Still positive. Woah. Sick feeling in stomach. What have we done? Are we ready for this? Are we going to be good parents? What are OUR parents going to say? What about school? Career? I'm 26 years old. I always wanted to start a family by the time I was 27. That's pretty much right on mark, what am I so worried about? I took it light at the gym, really light, just in case, and then went to the book store and picked up "What to Expect, When You're Expecting". Maybe a bit early, right? The doctors haven't even confirmed yet! Well, better safe then sorry, I better get all the reading done that I can.

I came home, and things were starting to sink in, I was flooded with all sorts of emotions. Happiness, fear, disappointment, excitement, worry, wonder..... and then some. We hung around the house, mostly in silence, I think we're still absorbing the news ourselves. I can't make an appointment for a blood test until Monday. We went to dinner at Jackie's and it took all I had not to shout it out to her. She'll find out Tuesday anyway. I have to tell work, so that I'm not around the x-rays or gas anesthetics. We came home and I went to bed, exhausted.

This morning I woke up, expecting Aunt Flo to be here, still feeling bloated and crampy. Went pee, nothing. I guess I'm still pregnant. Pregnant. That sounds so weird. I feel almost, irresponsible! How could you let yourself get pregnant!? Wait, it's okay, you're happily married, you have health care, a roof over your head, you have a steady income. It's not the end of the world! It's the beginning of a new life! It's scary. I wish I could tell my parents right away, but I have to wait, and do it a super cute way, no blurting it out!! Must refrain!!

I still feel tired this morning, my boobs hurt, and I'm a little bit crampy still. But otherwise okay, none of the other tell tale signs. When does it start to feel real? When do you "feel pregnant"? I guess I'll find out. In the meantime, I'll keep waiting, and keep expecting Aunt Flo to come, and keep being as healthy as possible.